


dawn (the time when we could meet each other)

by 98s



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I think it is fluffy, hina is a good kid, not enough angst even tho i want it, sayo is insecure child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-27 01:50:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12071208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/98s/pseuds/98s
Summary: "So... is it better if I hadn't been born then?"Hikawa sisters rarely see eye to eye on something. But they don't often get into a fight either. However, after all is said and done, they do love each other very much.





	dawn (the time when we could meet each other)

**Author's Note:**

> i got the idea from the fanart i saw. it was shared in chat group, so idk who draw it or even the link to the pic.

"So… is it better if I hadn't been born, then?"

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Sayo isn't sure what makes the other girl come to that conclusion. They are fighting. If one-sided snapping can be called a fight. And she knows she just says pretty harsh and mean things to her sister. But usually, Hina never takes it to heart. Her smile will just dim slightly before she chooses to leave her alone. To be fair, the usual Sayo never this cruel either.

In her defense, she just has a very rough week. And Hina… Hina's normal cheerfulness somehow rubs her wrong. As if her sister is the culprit who takes her happiness away so she wants to rid her sunny disposition as payback. She knows it won't bring her happiness back. But if she can get a bit satisfaction, it is enough.

However…

There's not even a little bit of joy in her heart.

Because Hina doesn’t do anything wrong at all.

And although she wants to deny it, to take back her words, and apologize. Sayo can't do that. Her lips close tightly as if someone has just sewed them together. The lump in her throat doesn’t help either.

She’s not sure how long she freezes before Hina leaves her alone with her regret.

.

.

.

Ever since she can remember, Sayo is always jealous of her twin sister. At first, it is the little thing like their name.

Unlike her own, Hina is such a pretty name. It feels so girlish and feminine. It portrays hope and happiness. Like when you see the first flower begins to bloom in spring. Or seeing the sunny morning and green forest. It's beautiful. Something you can't live without.

Meanwhile, her name is just plain night. Veil of night. The time people sleep. Some say it is the time the devil would knock on your door while wandering around taking advantage of human’s weakness. There is no good thing in her name at all.

Later, it is her sister's talent Sayo can't even dream to have. Hina is a loveable child. People always like her without exception. It’s not really a wonder. She is friendly, nice, and although sometimes a bit oblivious, she is the type people can't get mad for too long.

That's the reason Sayo works harder at everything else. Something she can control, something she can get better by practice and study. If people can't like her as she is. She just has to make people like her for what she can do. However, she is defeated again.

Hina is a genius. She can do whatever she wants almost effortlessly. She can get good scores even without studying. She doesn't need to practice every day to master up some skills she is interested at the moment (because she gets bored easily). And even though Sayo learns it first, Hina somehow can do it better just from learning it in a short time.

She is devastated. Her supposed big sister status only adds salt to the wound, destroying the pride she tries to build with her own hands. Sayo is afraid that she has to live in her sister's shadow for as long as she's breathing.

.

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Sayo then finds her salvation in music. In the melodies and tunes. In the sounds she makes with her fingertips and the instrument she holds. It is beautiful. And she's glad to know that even she can produce something beautiful.

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The day Hina follows her lead, learning to play guitar is the day Sayo decides to distance herself from her sister.

She won't throw away music. She can't. And she doesn't want to hate music just because her sister can somehow do--play better than her (again).

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It works for a while. She never listens to her sister's play to feel any ugly feelings rear their head. And she even successfully joins a band full with skilled members (Imai-san is a bit below Sayo's standard, but the girl is trying, and like Hina, she is the type people will like).

But then Hina is scouted by an entertainment agency as a member of idol band, Pastel Palette. Unlike Sayo with her indie-that-only-popular-in-niche-group band, Hina works professionally. She has more promising future with her career than Sayo with hers.

Sayo is frantic. She’s trying to make Roselia better than ever. She practices until her body can't take it anymore. Eventually, she fights with other members as she feels their play doesn't reach the quality she wants. Minato-san who usually sides with her opinion even chides her.

"Sayo, that's enough. Everyone is getting better. We are getting better."

Expectedly, she doesn't take it well and goes home feeling more irritated than usual.

.

.

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"Ah, Onee-chan. Welcome home."

Sayo mutters 'I'm home' in a rush as she walks straight to her room. One of the things Sayo most grateful about is that her parents are well enough to have a house with enough room for them.

After she changes her uniform to more comfortable clothes, she can hear gentle knocks on her door before Hina's voice passes through it.

"Are you okay, Onee-chan? Can I go in?”

"Yes, of course."

Sayo replies automatically. She moves to sit on her bed when Hina opens the door a little. Her sister looks at her worriedly. "Are you sure? You seem a bit angry."

"I'm sure, Hina. You don't have to concern yourself."

She really doesn't want to talk about it. She doesn't even want to think about it. She doesn't want to know that she is actually the one at fault.

"I will always be concerned about you, Onee-chan."

The obvious worry in her sister's voice feels like a dagger that stabs into her heart. Even though she knows Hina doesn’t mean to hurt her, she already feels wounded as it is.

"It's not your business, Hina. Just leave me alone."

Sayo massages her temple in vain attempt to clear her head. She needs to calm down. And in all honesty, Hina's presence doesn't exactly help.

"You are my sister. If anything happens to you, it is my business."

Her boiling point is already pretty low at the time. It doesn't even take much for her to slip and fall. She can see her sister moves a step back as she turns toward her and glares with so much fury in her eyes.

"You are my sister? Sure, you are. You are my sister who always takes the spotlight from me. You are my sister who always takes any victories I could get from my hands.

"You always follow what I do just to rub it on my face when you can do it better. Everyone already likes you even without you doing anything. But you have to shadow me forever, aren’t you?! I can never take a break from you! Of course, you are my sister! But just because you are my sister, this is in no way your business!"

She turns her back toward her sister in her anger. As if she can't stand to even look at her anymore.

"So… it is better if I hadn't been born, then?"

It's what Hina says after a while.

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Sayo can't sleep. It's not unusual for her. Somehow her brain likes to work overdrive even in the quiet night. Normally, Sayo will pass the time by reading ahead the material or finish an assignment for school. But after few attempts to concentrate, she gives up trying to do her homework for next week and choose to lay restlessly in the dark.

She knows she has to apologize. To Hina. To her band mates. But she is never good at that kind of thing. She can say sorry like any other normal person, of course. But to make it sounds sincere feels like showing weakness. She doesn’t like the idea of people seeing her vulnerable.

And even if she knows that is just not true. She isn't exactly thrilled to do that. She curses her unnecessary high pride for that.

It's when the clock in her room displays a figure 3 that Sayo stops hoping she would get any sleep tonight. She gets up from her lying position and proceeds to leave her bed.

She feels rather thirsty.

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She is startled when she finds Hina sits in front of the living room window as she passes it to the kitchen. Hina looks up at her and smiles. Sayo can see it's not as bright as usual. Her heart begins to ache again.

"Hey, Onee-chan. You woke up really early."

"Y-yeah. You are too, I see."

Hina laughs lightly and shakes her head. "I just can't sleep for some reasons."

Yes. _Some reasons, indeed_. Sayo bits her lips.

"What are you doing here?"

Hina turns back toward the window. "Well, the sky sure looks nice tonight. It is a full moon, but we can still see the stars clearly. And even with light pollutions, they are still bright enough to be seen."

Sayo looks up to follow Hina's gaze. What she sees. It's enough to take her breath away. She can't describe it. The word beautiful doesn't even compare to what she is looking right now. And somehow it calms her down. Very much so.

"Want to stargaze together, Onee-chan?"

Sayo doesn't need any more invitations to sit down beside Hina. She somehow forgets the tense atmosphere they should have right now.

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"But why did you choose to look from here?" Sayo asks after some time passes. "You can see it from your window room too, I'm sure."

Hina makes a noncommittal noise as she shrugs.

"You can only see the sun rising from here though," she then replies. "It's not as nice as looking the sunrise from the beach, but I like to see the light slowly brighten up the sky between the building and the rooftop. The first light of day. See?" she points outside.

And yes, Sayo can see the appeal as bit by bit the dark-almost black-blue sky painted over by red, orange, and yellow color. The stars start to disappear one by one and although the moon is starting to get translucent, she can still make its round shape. It feels ephemeral, the perfect example of transient beauty.

"You know, Onee-chan," Hina breaks the silence between them. "I don't really get why people make the analogy for the sun and the moon as lovers that never meet. They are meeting each other right now."

Sayo gives her agreement without saying anything. The sun and the moon. The night and the day. She suddenly feels foolish about her worries and insecurities. They are just so small and trivial compared to the world. But however small or trivial it is, they are important. Embracing her newfound courage, Sayo turns her head to the side.

"Hina… I'm sorry about what I said last night."

Hina looks at her in the eyes as if searching something. "But you do feel like that, Onee-chan."

It doesn't sound like a question. And Sayo wants to be honest. She wants to be honest with her sister who always looks at her with admiration she doesn’t deserve. "Yes, sometimes."

Hina looks hurt from her agreement. Sayo rushes to continue her apology. She doesn't like seeing her sister with that sorrowful expression. Because whatever the devil says in her angry state, she won’t get any satisfactions by hurting other.

"But I never think it is better if you hadn't been born, Hina."

Yes, sometimes she will feel jealous of Hina. Sometimes her insecurity will appear again. And sometimes she will feel like she hates the other girl and herself.

However, it's not her true feeling. It's not her only feeling.

"You were together with me for nine months. And you came to this world along with me. You are my twin, my other piece. There is no way I'm who I am today without you."

And that is her true feeling. She loves Hina with all her heart, including her ugly part she can’t always conceal. She won’t lie and say she will never get angry, annoyed, or stressed by being with her. But Sayo knows, at the very least, she can’t imagine her life without Hina by her side.

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"But maybe you would make a better you if you were not with me," Hina looks down as she says that with a small voice.

Sayo opens her mouth in hesitation. "…do you hate the current me, then?"

Hina automatically turns her head toward her. Her eyes widen as she frantically replies. "Of course not! I like Onee-chan very much!"

Sayo nods and takes her sister's hand in her grasp. She looks away as she confesses what she always feel all this time. "And I do like you too, Hina. Whatever I said in a heat of the moment is what I was feeling, but it was in no way the full truth. I'm sorry I was hurting you with my feelings. Feeling you are not even responsible for. But you are and will always be the important sister of mine. Please don't forget that.

"I can't promise I won't feel envious of you. But when it happens, it is not your fault. Never your fault. It is my weakness. You are an admirable person, Hina. Honest and brilliant without flaw. Looking at you is like looking straight into the sun. So bright I feel that it can blind me."

Hina blinks for a moment before she raises her free hand to caress Sayo's cheek. "Yeah. If only Onee-chan could see what I can see."

"Uhh…?"

"I like your name, Onee-chan. It's just so like you. Beautiful and strong even without people noticing. Onee-chan always works harder than anyone I know. It is something I will always admire about you. You said I'm brilliant? Then Onee-chan is a thousand times better than that word mean.

"And unlike me, looking at you is like gazing at the moon. Sometimes it is hidden behind the cloud, but when I finally see it, the serene it brings will always calm me down. It has unmatched beauty. And it is in no way hurting people who look it."

If Sayo starts to tear up and cry after that, Hina won't tell anyone else. It is the breaking dawn. The time for the day and the night meet. The time they can embrace each other as they come to an understanding. Some people may like the day better and some other may like the night more. But essentially, they can't exist without each other.

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end.


End file.
